2 YEARS!?

Today is my anniversary!  I loved every aspect of my wedding day!  It was a beautiful day for an outside wedding.  Until 2 hours before when the sun went away and the rain came down. It did not phase me.

 It was a perfect day.  The perfect celebration. Friends, family, great music, dancing, and so much love!   The celebrating celebrating continued with  the best week spent in Mexico with my new husband.

It has not been an easy 2 years by any means. Money problems, job changes, infertility, it has made us so much stronger.  We are now looking into the future  thinking of homes and always thinking of  our next step in regards to having children. We are taking steps everyday to make our dreams come true. We are at our best when we are together and no one understands me like him and I am certain that no one understands that goofy fellow like I do. ***as i typed this John walked in and said, "I guess I got a little wet" I looked over and he was soaked and had a goofy smile on his face***  adorable.  

2 years of wedded bliss.  I feel like the celebration will never end.  I love my Johnnypants.  

Now who is down for a trip to Mexico? 

Get a Hobby!

I have wanted to get into photography like some of my cousins and my brother for quite a while.   I saved and saved my extra money for a while and finally got my Nikon camera.  Last weekend I got my first chance to use the camera and although not perfect... I can see a glimmer of skill. 

I am still working with a bad computer and editing program but I am pretty excited to learn!

Here is my favorites from last weekend.

 

Husband John

My cousin Kendall, who is adorable and very photogenic!

 

 

I think I am off to a good start!  If the rain holds off I might get some more this weekend.  



good at losing weight....

I own every weight loss book ever created. Okay that is not true, but I have read a lot of them and researched even more.  I am not a trendy diet follower, I am just really fascinated by diets. I consider myself really weight loss savvy.  Why? I Nicole Marie Sivak am a pro at losing weight.  Why?  I am even better at gaining weight.  About five years ago after my 26th birthday I made a promise to lose weight. I was a big girl (about my size now actually).  Before this I would try here and there but nothing serious.  I signed up for Weight Watchers and the weight came off.  I was so strict and so focused on counting points and going to meetings. I joined a gym and worked out about 3 times a week and the gym put me on billboards LOST 100 POUNDS!!! Total, I lost 116 lbs and was looking really good. Well I look back and say that, I was never satisfied.   I had a number on the scale I wanted to reach and I never did.  About this time something changed in my life, enter John.  I have stated before, it is NOT John's fault I started gaining weight but love makes you do funny things... like eat French fries.

    

Me-at my thinnest (eating soy ice cream because I was going thru my vegan phase)

Once John proposed I started trying to lose weight again.  I ordered my dress two sizes smaller and started at it yet again. I was once again focused and determined.  I had an expensive dress on the line...

Wedding day. 25lbs lost of the 60 I gained

The year I lost weight I concentrated mostly on my diet and wasn't too focused on working out.  The months before my wedding I was highly focused on working out and was less strict about my diet. I was in the best shape of my life as far as endurance and stamina in my workouts/running.   But after the wedding I was burnt out from 2 a day work outs 6 days a week. And the weight came back and FAST. 

My weight gain became an issue with my mood and obviously my fertility. This April I decided to go to a nutritionist. I had a chip on my shoulder thinking I knew how to lose weight I have done it numerous times before. I haven't learned anything from my weight loss/gain saga.  I go back to old habits once I reach a goal. 

I don't have a number or scale goal this time. I don't have an event to get ready for.  I just want to be the best version of myself.  I want to get pregnant. I want to be at a safe weight that allows me to have a healthy pregnancy. I want to run a 5k (I might not really want to but I want to say I have).  I want to rid my diet of processed foods.  I want to enjoy working out (again). 

Basically what I want to tell myself is stop being good at losing weight and start being good at being healthy.  You know what you are doing, just do it and let nature take its course. 

SIDE NOTE: My husband has also lost some serious inches.  And if you are more interested in his diet plan let me tell you about it.

1. Eat Bacon

2. Drink Beer

3. Make somewhat healthy lunches

4. If you want something fried- eat it

5. Eat half of your dinner. because your too tired to finish it or because you are wasting daylight because....

6. Do yard work 5 hours a day m-f and 8 hours a day on the weekends

5 months in

2013 was suppose to be the best year ever. I had high hopes. I had SMART goals. I also had a bad back and an even worse attitude. I started this year with lots of spunk.  I wanted to embrace this year and even more so tip toe around my real goals by stating I wanted to play guitar, audition for a show, and run miles and miles.
I haven't done any of that.  But I haven't neglected the hopes of this being my best year ever. I have lost 24 lbs. to date and am still going strong.  I have started a new job where I received a nice pay increase, and have already received another pay increase since starting.  I have overcome a pretty horrible winter funk. I also have overcome severe back pain that plagued me for quite sometime beginning this year.  Most importantly I have figured out what my real goals are. And I know they have nothing to do with learning a musical instrument, running, or cycling. I would love to do those things but maybe just a weekend here or there. 
My real goals, honest goals, not really classified as SMART goals are as follows.
1. I want to have a baby.  Anyone near me knows that this challenge is going on two years and it has been heartbreaking.. When my back went out and my weight increased I was pretty much told by two different medical professionals it isn't worth even trying right now. One said it very kindly, the other one not so much.  (I no longer see the mean one) So I worked with my very kind dietician beginning in April  and we got 24lbs off and she said to keep going and I should start trying for baby again. Which was a great thing to hear. Also scary because of all the disappointment I have already encountered and knowing how emotional this gets with the  tracking  and hoping and waiting.  I have a game plan. I have broken it down by months and what steps I am willing to take and when I am wanting to take that next step. With my new job I also have more options as far as medical intervention. I need to take my health very seriously. My beer brewin, bacon lovin husband needs to do  the same. Equally important, I have to stay positive. It has been more difficult since my back issues being told to hold off than when I was getting all the negative results  because I could only think of all the time I was losing.  It is a rough road. I feel like I am in a good place to proceed on. I have also realized how I never stopped trying I have done more for the process by losing weight and educating myself than I did when I was on clomid and charting and testing (and sobbing from the horemones). I put myself in a great spot to work towards this goal. 

2. Buy a house. We both have decent jobs and after some things are caught up and bills are paid off I will be ready. Just the brief conversations we've had on the subject make me aware that John and I are not on the same page here. I love our house now and I'm not sure I want to leave so I am not in a big hurry. But if the neighbor keeps blocking the damn driveway when I am trying to leave early to get an iced coffee this process might be rushed. 

3. Do something for myself. I think I have narrowed this down to my hobbies of picture taking (must get that camera ASAP) cooking and I want to sew. I want to get involved with things and learn new skills. John found out this year he loves yard work. His passion makes me want to find my passion. 

4. Go to Hawaii. (Or save a buy that house and have baby)

John's in charge!

Since my hip went out and John was diagnosed with whooping cough, we fell off the wagon. I couldn't (still can't) cook. Just getting my pants on was hard enough not to mention packing a healthy unprocessed lunch. I ordered jimmy johns instead. All that prep and planning..... I failed. I learned something though, my husband likes to help me. He will do anything I ask without complaining. He understands I am not myself. I just have ask.

Saturday, John and mom took me looking for primitives (I will blog on this hobby of mine later). We talked Nancy into going to St. Louis to hit up Trader Joes. I go to Trader Joes for staples. Nuts, seeds, natural seed or nut butters are half the price than any local store. Coconut oil and olive oils (garlic and giant extra virgin) are super affordable. We take a cooler for frozen organic fruit, hummus, and yogurts. John is obsessed with their dried spices and we get one seasoning blend called 21 salute that he buys 3-5 bottles of. We plan on going again in February if anyone wants anything we will bring back the goods.

Sunday, I made another 2 week meal planning schedule and grocery list. I sent John to Meijer with a list and coupons. Back on track and this week John is in charge. We make a good team.

Jock Goals

I have never been athletic. I played a half season of softball in eigth grade but when a bunch of girls quit the team we had two options join the other team or just quit, you see where this is going. I remember my dad loved my half season of softball. He loved trying to make me love it and loved making fun of my bestie Ericka and I for being so horrible. Secretly I've always wanted to be athletic. I mean I was in show choir and I did break a sweat on occasion singing and dancing to Footloose. I was pretty buff before my wedding. I was even running. But I never made my run a mile straight goal before I started gaining weight.

Needless to say I have set some pretty high goals for myself in 2013. As I continue, I keep setting MORE atheltic goals for myself. I should really buy that guitar and camera before I end up passed out in washington park gasping for air.

First Goal:

Brian McMillen Memorial 5K Run/Walk which is in May and another 5k in June and July.

Second Goal:

ABE'S ARMY with Carrie and John

Third Goal

Springfield Marathon Am I running a marathon? HELL no! I have no desire to run a marathon. Right now I plan on this being my second 10k but secretly I want to do the half.

Fourth Goal

Riding My Bike 25 Miles I wanted to do this a few years back but never trained. I plan on training for this once it gets warmer. I might even get some bicycle shorts depending on how big my thighs are.

The training starts with repairing my back so next week I go hard core swimming to exercise and repair my bad back. Then I will do couch to 5k.

This will all lead up to the ultimate goal over a year from now.PRINCESS HALF MARATHON

I am going to wear a tutu! Run with MICKEY!

Any advice on these adventures will be great. Running songs? Tools that will help?

I am going to be an ATHLETE!

birthday bummer

So I was bragging just this Thursday morning about how great I felt. Then as the day went on my left side got more and more irritated. I had trouble getting up and down. Friday I couldn't move so I headed to see my doctor and await to see the results as to what is wrong. While there we decided to check out John's awful cough that wouldn't go away, he was put on a slu of medication for whooping cough.

We both felt awful all weekend and all of the birthday plans pretty much fell through. We did make an apperance at my shared birthday dinner with friends but I was so out of it due to the muscle relaxers I just remember being hot, uncomfortable, and feeling really really out of it.

As I sat in pain on my birthday, knowing I would be stuck in my chair all of the day, I looked at John with sad eyes and said, "go get me a chocolate crossiant" John went and got me a chocolate crossaint from Incrediably Delicious. It was yummy but not part of my diet. Atleast it was a local unprocessed crossaint. :) oops.

I instantly began questioning all of my athletic goals due this most recent injury. But then I realized how much I want this back pain to go away forever and I have to lose weight in order to do it. So It is going to take longer but I am going to reach the goals and I will ride some form of the centinial and I will run that princess half marathon. Most importantly as a friend of mine mentioned on facebook (thank you Megan F.) Yoga will be great for this condition.

After watching the golden globes last night I came up with a new goal. To look like Jessica Alba. Woah! John would be a happy man.

Speaking of goals and fancy dresses... I have another reason to try get in great shape! April 20,2013 is the First Annual Springfield Area Arts Council Adult Prom! I am so happy to be on the Prom Committee and every aspect of planning has been so fun. I can't wait to buy a pretty dress, dance the night away, take some prom photos, and see how much we raise for this worthy organization. I encourage all of you to keep that date in mind! Plus it is always nice to have a fitness goal so perhaps buying a smaller sized party dress or suit would be a fantastic reward/motivation. I will post details on Facebook as they become available. I probably won't be borrowing Jessica Alba's dress by then but maybe that million dollar necklace?

My back problems last year were a major reason i feel 2012 was so unpleasant. I hope as the week goes on I will be back at work, perhaps swimming and reading on how to naturally strengthen, and able to cook and prep for healthy goals.

I made a birthday wish for my 31st years. Gifts I will purchase for myself through the year. My Birthday List

1. Abe's Army

2. Vitamix

3. A few Yogo Classes

4. A smaller sized prom dress